The Farmer and the Lord

I haven't written on my blog in quite a while, so I thought it was time. I was listening to a Gaither Homecoming special the other day and hear Jimmy Dean so this old song. I thought the lyrics were so appropriate for all of us. We tend to put God on such a high plain, that we forget He is our Father...our Daddy, and He wants us to love and converse with him as though we are forever His children. I think these words convey that thought beautifully.

While resting the other evening by the side of the road
I saw an old famer in a field that he had just hoed.
His face was all brown and wrinkled by the sun and the wind
And he was talking to the Lord just like he'd be talking to a friend.

'Well,' he said with his voice calm and quiet,
'Them corn husks need shucking, and I got no string to tie it;
We aint had no rain in so long that the fields are dry and dusty,
And it's so unbearable hot that the kids are even gettin' fussy.

Now that grass down in the pasture, well it should be knee high.
If we could just get a little shower, Lord, it might even keep the cow from going dry.
Oh...but listenin' to me talkin' you'd think I wasn't grateful.
Why, if You didn't know me so well, Lord, You'd think I was down right hateful.

You'd think I'd forgot about that new calf that You sent,
And the money in the mail that took care of the rent.
Mama's cough's got better, and Johnny's home from the Navy,
And that good Sunday dinner of hot chicken and dumplin's and gravy;

And that new preacher You send us Lord, well he's a fine young man
Why he's just convertin' those sinners to beat the band.
Well, I guess I'll mosey on home, Lord, and I won't take no more of your time.
I guess there's plenty folks out there waiting to ring your line.

Evenin' to ya Lord, and watch over us tonight,
And don't you worry 'bout us, Lord, 'cause everything's gonna be alright.'

In Memorium

With the birth of our child, we are irrevocably, joyfully, wonderfully, forever changed. With the death of any child, we are unalterably diminished.

And we cry. Throats so tight with grief that words will not come. The constriction moves to our heart and settles in a cold lump. Oceans of tears do not assuage the pain.

How do we get through another day without the benefit of that smile, the quick hug, the bubbling contagious laughter?

How do we reconcile the unfailing trust of one so young, that in its greatness would fill volumes, yet that now will remain unpenned? I look at those around me, and I see their grief. Theirs not mine, mine not theirs, but we mourn the same.

We mourn a life cut short, future deeds unachieved, a history unwritten, a message unshared. And yet, because of those around me, I am face with the reality that while his life may have been cut short, it was far, oh so very, very far from uneventful.

And while I no longer have the joy of knowing him on this earth, it is with a sure and certain hope that I look to see him again - on the other side of Morning. I will not see chemo-sunken cheeks, but a rainbow-wreathed brow; Not a tumor swollen tummy, but arms outstretched, pain-free wide; Not a tear, not a sigh, just immeasurable, eternal love, and unending praise for the Creator.

Never doubt in the dark what you have learned in the light. Do not trade what you know for what you do not know.

When you come to the end of yourself, you find the beginning of God.

He's My Brother

There are moments in life that define all your other moments in life. Today, I am sitting in a hospital room with my brother, Chuck. There is no real noise, only the rain and the slow rhythm of his breathing. I sit and watch his every move, just trying to burn an image of his sweet face into my mind's eye. The cancer raging within him has made him a shell of his former self, but this is not what my heart sees.

I see a precious boy with curls in his hair who won't let anyone open the door for him to come inside the house. "I want mama to do it!" he screams as he defiantly backs up from the door. I see the little boy who climbed in my bed during a thunder storm and snuggled tight under the covers. I see chairs stacked up and blankets flying as we struggled to complete a giant tent with doors and rooms that covered the den floor. My brother, sister and I would sit in the main room of the tent, which was right in front of the TV, so that we could watch cartoons or MTV.

When I look at my brother, I remember him as my roommate in college; teaching him how to cook pork chops and sweet potatoes so he could have dinner when I had to go to class. I remember helping him do his laundry and showing him how to work the coin operated machines.

We have always been there for each other; through childhood, college, marriage, and having our children later in our lives than our friends. I see his face in my mind and I envision the tremendous love he displays for his wife, and how much he loves the thought of growing old with her and having her for his best friend. I see the true joy that he gets in just being a daddy to his beautiful son.

All those days are now past, and we are coming to the final journey in our lives together on his earth. And while I know I will see him again - ultimately healed by Christ - my heart aches for that sweet curly headed boy messing up the house after I'd cleaned it; laughing at silly jokes and playing air guitar to rock music. My heart aches that what was once the three of us as siblings will now be two, with one always missing. This is my baby brothers, after all, and there is something inherently wrong about losing him so young; something wrong about being a part of all the wonderful things he will miss that he should not have had to miss. However, in these last few, sweet, quiet moments of his life, I am so blessed and grateful to have known him; so fortunately to have had him grace my life.

Yes, there are moments in life that define all your other moments in life...This is one of those moments.

I love you Chuck...always

...and Ladybugs

Times can be tough, and sometimes life isn't always the bowl of cherries it should be. Occasionally, we need to see the world through a new set of eyes. Recently after a long hard work day, I came home with only one thing in mind...rest. However, my 3 year old had other ideas. He quickly led me to the back yard where I realized he didn't just want to play. He was on a mission. He was on a bug hunt.

Now the average girl in me isn't really all that thrilled with the thought of looking at bugs. But when I became a mother, I made a decision to always keep the world an open place of discovery for him. Creepy crawly things don't usually do much for me, but seeing them through Caden's eyes made them a lot more interesting.

Usually, he wants to look at ants. He can stare at them running around their mound for hours. However, it wasn't ants this time that held his attention. It was ladybugs. Our back yard is usually full of them this time of year, and they crawl on everything. It's really quite a site to see. It became Caden's mission to find them all.

I never thought about how small ladybugs are until I tried to find them on purpose, but my eagle-eyed child could spot that tiny red bug under a small blade of grass from half way across the yard! We searched over every inch of yard and every blade of grass until he had found every ladybug he could find. He let them crawl on his hands and arms and was completely fascinated by them. He noticed everything.... how they range in color from yellowy orange to dark red.... how they can crawl upside down....that you don't notice they have wings until they lift their shell to fly away.... or how they will stand montionless when startled.

It wasn't long before I realized that my bad day had disappeared. I thought of how good God was to give me a new pair of eyes with which to see the world; to see the world as He had intended it to be seen. Through Caden's eyes, I saw wonder, amazement, nature, and love....and ladybugs.