God's Hidden Mickeys

God’s Hidden Mickey’s

Anyone who knows me knows what a Disney nut I am.  As a child I was never able to go to Disney World, but I always told myself, I WILL see the Mouse!  As an adult, walking around the Magic Kingdom at Disney World with my own son, I was bombarded with more Mickey than I could take in. He’s everywhere –singing with his cohorts in front of Cinderella’s Castle, plastered all over every trinket from balloons, drinking cups, and light up wands to shoes, jackets and jewelry.  You can’t look in any direction and not see those ears in all patterns, colors and sparkles on the heads of every kid and kid at heart.

The thing that some first-timers to Disney don’t realize is that, even though there are moments He’s not up in your face, he’s still nearly everywhere you look in the form of what Disney calls “Hidden Mickey’s.”  It’s become a kind of quest to find all the little references to Mickey Mouse throughout the parks and resorts.  He’s in the carpet pattern in your hotel room. There’s a silhouette in the brick in the Walk around the World.  His image is twisted into the rope at the exit dock on the Ferry and imprinted on the lock on a treasure chest in the Pirates of the Caribbean.  He’s there in much bigger ways too, like the topiaries in the Magic Kingdom and the Promenade Shop Plate display in Morocco in EPCOT.  The largest can only be seen from the air. The layout of Hollywood Studios is a giant Mickey head.

I started thinking of how God was like that.  He’s everywhere.  We only have to take the time to search for him.  I decided to start searching.

It seems like a given that He’d be everywhere.  The bible says that even the rocks cry out His name.  However, “everywhere” is more than just the flora and fauna.  It is life and death as well and everything in between.  He can be heard in the first cry of a newborn eager to come into this world and the last breath of a saint eager to enter the next.  He’s in the hands of a servant who helps the homeless; the hand who feeds the hungry, the voice who sings the lullaby, and the missionary who makes disciples.

For the believer who’s searching as well as the unbeliever who needs to see, these are small ways that God reveals Himself, letting them know He is everywhere – like a hidden Mickey. For me, it means God is there before, during, and after, and as I really start to search, I realize how brilliantly creative He is in the way he reveals Himself to us.

God’s Word says that we are His greatest creation.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God Himself.  That’s an incredible thing – to be created in the image of our Creator.  Part of our God-given make up is our own ability to create.  Now we’re not as brilliant on that end as God is.  We can’t create galaxies or speak things into being, but we’ve been given other outlets.  Man has made some pretty incredible works of art and music, and used what we’ve discovered to help the sick.  In a way, I think when we create something out of nothing; we’re modeling ourselves after God in the most flattering way.  God created us because He felt he had to.  It’s the reason he creates everything – because He desires it.  Isn’t that the same reason we do it as well?  I suspect that we create because of our inherent need to express ourselves.  We create to express a love we have something, just as God created us to express His love for us.

If God has given us a small part of His desire to create, I think that what we create is a direct reflection of His nature.  If that’s true, and God is hidden in everything we make, then we are just like God’s Hidden Mickey. He uses us to impart His love to the world in ways sometimes not immediately seen.  In retrospect, if we’re God’s creation, then He is in US, hiding in our hearts and in everything we do.  We just have to acknowledge that he is there.  Just like all those Hidden Mickeys in Disney, we need to make a quest of seeking God in everything – the good, the bad, the high and the low.  He really is all around us in ways big and small, if we only take the time to see.

It's A Hard Knock Life

IT’S A HARD KNOCK LIFE.

It’s a hard knock life.  Those immortal words from the musical Annie bring images to mind of the poor orphans and how horrible their lives were.  Everyone had a great sense of satisfaction when one particularly precocious red-headed orphan actually escaped the brutality of her horrible and mundane existence.  We cheered – albeit with a little envy – when she was rewarded for keeping the hope alive. It’s a hard knock life.  That is the phrase that many would use to describe our earthly existence.  One would be hard pressed to find anyone who has not endured his or her own trials, heartaches and tribulations.  It’s just a fact of nature that we’ve all come to realize is just a cold reality.  Life is hard.  It’s difficult.  It’s trying.  It’s unfair.  Did you ever find yourself angry with God?  Did you ever beg him to just “throw you a bone” and reveal a little light at the end of a dark tunnel?

My thoughts turn immediately to Job.  His life was one of true hardship and heartache.  This Godly man of true piety, through tragic series of events is brought to his knees in brokenness and pain.  He is childless, homeless, penniless, and helpless.  He has lost everything and is suffering from physical affliction – and yet – he still will not deny the glory of God.  His friends question his faith.  Even his wife tells him to curse his God, and yet he does not.  I think there are a few lessons we could stand to learn from Job.

BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE – JUST PRAISE

We’ve all been though heartache and pain; some without question, as much as Job, others not.  However, did we, or would we handle that kind of tribulation with as much blind faith as Job did?  In Job 1:21 when his family perished, he fell upon the ground and said, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away.  May the name of the Lord be praised.”  Job never let his setbacks weaken his resolve and his faith. We won’t always know the reasons behind our trails. As with Job, God may be silent in revealing his plan to us, but he will reveal things in His time. It’s important to praise the Lord at all times, and for everything – even the hard times.  It’s those hard times that help to mold us into the image the Lord intends for us.

IT’S OK NOT TO KNOW- JUST TRUST

   Job is proof that man usually has no idea what God is doing behind the scenes in the life of each believer.  A hard thing for us to learn, and one that Job learned the hard way as well, is that God does not have to answer to us for the things he does or does not do.  The experience that Job has teaches us that we may never know the specific reason for the trials that God sets before us, but we must trust in a righteous, sovereign and holy God.  Psalm 18:20 says that his ways are perfect, and we can trust that whatever he does is also perfect.  We also learn in Isaiah 55:8-9 that “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. . . . For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts”.  In reality, we’re not supposed to know everything that God has planned for us; only that he does have a plan, and it is for the greater good, and to his glory.

GOD REALLY IS LISTENING – JUST WAIT

No matter how severe the trial is, we should never assume that God doesn’t listen to our pleas or that he doesn’t care. Haven’t we all experienced this – suffered and prayed endless prayers, only to have what we think is no answer from God?  God has knowledge of the lessons we need to learn far beyond what we can see or comprehend.  King David probably said it best when he told us to wait on the Lord; have courage, and He shall strengthen you heart.  Job suffered a long while and pleaded with God to give him relief.  At times he almost closed his mind that he could learn anything from his suffering. In the end, God blessed Job, and Job realized that although he was still praising the Lord, he was having trouble letting go and letting God do the work.  He said in Job 42.3-6, “I have uttered what I did not understand things too wonderful for me, which I did not know…  I have heard of You by the hearing of the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You.”

 Like Job, we may fail to see or understand those things for our lives that God sees.  We just need to praise Him, trust Him, and wait on Him.  He alone knows the plans he has in store for our lives.  Doing these things can allow God to reveal the many blessing he has in store for us through the lessons he teaches us in all the storms of our lives.

Am I Ready?

I haven't written in this blog for quite a while, and I'm really trying to focus on making it a regular thing.  I thought I'd begin with a summation of what's been swirling in my heart lately.  Am I ready to meet Jesus?

I have read often in my life the biblical passages that caution us to be ready for the coming of Christ. Amos 4:12 tells us to "Prepare to meet thy God." Matthew 24:44 says "be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him." The question arises, 'AM I ready? What does that mean?'

After accepting Jesus as my one and true Savior, preparation to meet Him can only come through dedication to the purposes for which I have been placed on earth – to trust in and carry out the will of God as He has commanded. We've been commanded to love – love our neighbor as ourselves; to trust – trust in the Lord; to go – and teach all nations. However, even if we have done these things, is it enough? I don't think so.

God doesn't need anything we have. He has no use for man's material creations and monetary gifts. So what would be a fitting gift with which to honor our Lord when we first see Him face to face? I believe that Jesus wants nothing from us except to come before Him with truly contrite hearts, humble spirits, and an openness to love. The gift of ourselves is all we truly have to offer, but we also need to ensure that the gift of ourselves – our very souls, is as worthy as we can ineptly make it.

In pondering this thought, I kept coming back to one particular scene in the movie Schindler's List. Oskar Schindler has rescued 1200 Jews from certain death in concentration camps, but when the war was over, he agonized to his friend, Itzhak Stern over how many more he could've saved. He pointed to his car, a lapel pin, all the money he'd made, and said "This car. Goeth would've bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people, right there. Ten people, ten more people ... This pin, two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would've given me two for it. At least one. He would've given me one. One more. One more person. A person, Stern. For this. I could've gotten one more person and I didn't. I didn`t ....."

I wonder if I'll say the same thing when my life here is over…. Just one more. If I had told the person at the grocery store about Jesus, he might have been saved. Why didn't I tell just one more person. If I hadn't gossiped, told that fib… if I'd been a better example, maybe they'd have seen that 'something" that I have and asked me about it. Then I could've been a witness to just one more. Will I have done ALL that I could for the kingdom of God? Will I have used all of God's resources? Shouldn't my goal be to face the Father not to have Him say, "why didn't you use all your gifts and talents in My name," but to hear "Well done! You've used up all you were given for Me."  When you come to the end of yourself, you find the beginning of God. 

I've had many hours of prayer time lately and many conversations with the Lord – some good, and some not so good. Inadvertently, they all lead to the same conclusion. Was I ready to meet the Lord? Had I truly died to self and submitted wholly? Fortunately, the unconditional love of God is and always will be there for me like a safety net, ready to catch me when I fall and wrapping me up in mercy and forgiveness. He knows that no matter how long I live, I'm still just a child, taking baby steps toward the Kingdom of righteousness. And God? Well, He's there, like a father should be, holding my hands and teaching me how to walk every step of the way. 

Amazing Wonders of Aviation!

This week I spent my time teaching some very bright 3rd graders in vacation bible school.  The Amazing Wonders Aviation theme led students on a journey around the world, from the continent of Africa and Victoria Falls, to the Grand Canyon, to the Aurora Borealis.  The whole church was decorated with airplanes, propellers and other aviation themed props.

The students from grades K-6 filed in every morning and began the day gathered in the sanctuary for worship.  Tons of beach balls and balloons were batted around the room to the sounds of shrieks and laughter.  They sang songs accompanied by motions and enjoyed every minute of it.

Even though they were of different ages and grades, they were divided very much by gender.  Every year, the church picks a chosen charity for donations. This year, it's Wheels for the World, which provides wheel chairs to those who cannot afford them.  It's the girls against the boys.  Tammy Walker, our VBS Coordinator, is the rep for the girls, and Ron Pierce, our children's pastor, is the rep for the boys.  Which ever group raises the most money in the offering challenge gets to watch the other group's rep go through a humiliating and messy task.  This year, the task is being turned into a marshmallow whipped cream cloud.  The sanctuary exploded in cheers when it was learned that - as in many years passed - the girls had won the challenge by a narrow margin.  Thus, it was Pastor Ron who became the guinea pig for the cloud project.  Twelve lucky kids got the chance to shower him with tons of whipped cream and huge marshmallows until all we could see of our beloved children's pastor was a vague outline of his human form!

 



After the worship time, the students were sent to their respective classes where dedicated teachers were ready to teach them all about the journey that Jesus was leading them on in their lives.  Each of us had a different bible story to teach the children, along with games and activities.  I spent a little time telling them my own testimony and why bible school was so important to me.  It is where my walk with Christ began as a young 3rd grader. I made the most crucial and important decision in my life at bible school, and it has made all the difference in my path.

We also spent time making Gospel Bracelets.  These are bracelets with colored beads. Each color signifies something different in the story of salvation: Black-the sin of mankind, Red-the blood of Christ shed for us, White-the purification of our souls washed by Christ's blood, Blue-our faith in Jesus, Green-our spiritual growth, and Yellow-the light of Christ from Heaven above.  These bracelets are to be sent on mission trips and will be used as tangible tools to teach the Gospel to others.

As the week went on, and relationships were made, we came to the spiritual pinnacle of our week.  Evangelism Thursday.  Each grade group was taken aside where the story of Christ's sacrifice was specifically spelled out to them.  They were given the opportunity to accept Christ, and I was delighted to see that a few of them made that life-changing decision.  One girl in particular made me smile. She mentioned to me in class that she really wanted to be baptised, but her mother wanted her to wait and learn more about it.  I took a bit of time to speak with her and learned that her convictions for Christ were indeed real.  She knew what her decision meant and what she needed to to.  When she stepped out of the group to make her decision later, she walked up to me with a smile that would light up the tri-state area.  I asked how she felt, and she looked up at me and said, "I feel relieved and happy!  Is this how you felt when you got saved at bible school?"  I hugged here and said it was exactly how I felt, and I was so happy to welcome her to the Kingdom of God.  She smiled and said, "I feel great.... like I've made the most important decision in my life!"  And so she had. 

The Farmer and the Lord

I haven't written on my blog in quite a while, so I thought it was time. I was listening to a Gaither Homecoming special the other day and hear Jimmy Dean so this old song. I thought the lyrics were so appropriate for all of us. We tend to put God on such a high plain, that we forget He is our Father...our Daddy, and He wants us to love and converse with him as though we are forever His children. I think these words convey that thought beautifully.

While resting the other evening by the side of the road
I saw an old famer in a field that he had just hoed.
His face was all brown and wrinkled by the sun and the wind
And he was talking to the Lord just like he'd be talking to a friend.

'Well,' he said with his voice calm and quiet,
'Them corn husks need shucking, and I got no string to tie it;
We aint had no rain in so long that the fields are dry and dusty,
And it's so unbearable hot that the kids are even gettin' fussy.

Now that grass down in the pasture, well it should be knee high.
If we could just get a little shower, Lord, it might even keep the cow from going dry.
Oh...but listenin' to me talkin' you'd think I wasn't grateful.
Why, if You didn't know me so well, Lord, You'd think I was down right hateful.

You'd think I'd forgot about that new calf that You sent,
And the money in the mail that took care of the rent.
Mama's cough's got better, and Johnny's home from the Navy,
And that good Sunday dinner of hot chicken and dumplin's and gravy;

And that new preacher You send us Lord, well he's a fine young man
Why he's just convertin' those sinners to beat the band.
Well, I guess I'll mosey on home, Lord, and I won't take no more of your time.
I guess there's plenty folks out there waiting to ring your line.

Evenin' to ya Lord, and watch over us tonight,
And don't you worry 'bout us, Lord, 'cause everything's gonna be alright.'

In Memorium

With the birth of our child, we are irrevocably, joyfully, wonderfully, forever changed. With the death of any child, we are unalterably diminished.

And we cry. Throats so tight with grief that words will not come. The constriction moves to our heart and settles in a cold lump. Oceans of tears do not assuage the pain.

How do we get through another day without the benefit of that smile, the quick hug, the bubbling contagious laughter?

How do we reconcile the unfailing trust of one so young, that in its greatness would fill volumes, yet that now will remain unpenned? I look at those around me, and I see their grief. Theirs not mine, mine not theirs, but we mourn the same.

We mourn a life cut short, future deeds unachieved, a history unwritten, a message unshared. And yet, because of those around me, I am face with the reality that while his life may have been cut short, it was far, oh so very, very far from uneventful.

And while I no longer have the joy of knowing him on this earth, it is with a sure and certain hope that I look to see him again - on the other side of Morning. I will not see chemo-sunken cheeks, but a rainbow-wreathed brow; Not a tumor swollen tummy, but arms outstretched, pain-free wide; Not a tear, not a sigh, just immeasurable, eternal love, and unending praise for the Creator.

Never doubt in the dark what you have learned in the light. Do not trade what you know for what you do not know.

When you come to the end of yourself, you find the beginning of God.

He's My Brother

There are moments in life that define all your other moments in life. Today, I am sitting in a hospital room with my brother, Chuck. There is no real noise, only the rain and the slow rhythm of his breathing. I sit and watch his every move, just trying to burn an image of his sweet face into my mind's eye. The cancer raging within him has made him a shell of his former self, but this is not what my heart sees.

I see a precious boy with curls in his hair who won't let anyone open the door for him to come inside the house. "I want mama to do it!" he screams as he defiantly backs up from the door. I see the little boy who climbed in my bed during a thunder storm and snuggled tight under the covers. I see chairs stacked up and blankets flying as we struggled to complete a giant tent with doors and rooms that covered the den floor. My brother, sister and I would sit in the main room of the tent, which was right in front of the TV, so that we could watch cartoons or MTV.

When I look at my brother, I remember him as my roommate in college; teaching him how to cook pork chops and sweet potatoes so he could have dinner when I had to go to class. I remember helping him do his laundry and showing him how to work the coin operated machines.

We have always been there for each other; through childhood, college, marriage, and having our children later in our lives than our friends. I see his face in my mind and I envision the tremendous love he displays for his wife, and how much he loves the thought of growing old with her and having her for his best friend. I see the true joy that he gets in just being a daddy to his beautiful son.

All those days are now past, and we are coming to the final journey in our lives together on his earth. And while I know I will see him again - ultimately healed by Christ - my heart aches for that sweet curly headed boy messing up the house after I'd cleaned it; laughing at silly jokes and playing air guitar to rock music. My heart aches that what was once the three of us as siblings will now be two, with one always missing. This is my baby brothers, after all, and there is something inherently wrong about losing him so young; something wrong about being a part of all the wonderful things he will miss that he should not have had to miss. However, in these last few, sweet, quiet moments of his life, I am so blessed and grateful to have known him; so fortunately to have had him grace my life.

Yes, there are moments in life that define all your other moments in life...This is one of those moments.

I love you Chuck...always

...and Ladybugs

Times can be tough, and sometimes life isn't always the bowl of cherries it should be. Occasionally, we need to see the world through a new set of eyes. Recently after a long hard work day, I came home with only one thing in mind...rest. However, my 3 year old had other ideas. He quickly led me to the back yard where I realized he didn't just want to play. He was on a mission. He was on a bug hunt.

Now the average girl in me isn't really all that thrilled with the thought of looking at bugs. But when I became a mother, I made a decision to always keep the world an open place of discovery for him. Creepy crawly things don't usually do much for me, but seeing them through Caden's eyes made them a lot more interesting.

Usually, he wants to look at ants. He can stare at them running around their mound for hours. However, it wasn't ants this time that held his attention. It was ladybugs. Our back yard is usually full of them this time of year, and they crawl on everything. It's really quite a site to see. It became Caden's mission to find them all.

I never thought about how small ladybugs are until I tried to find them on purpose, but my eagle-eyed child could spot that tiny red bug under a small blade of grass from half way across the yard! We searched over every inch of yard and every blade of grass until he had found every ladybug he could find. He let them crawl on his hands and arms and was completely fascinated by them. He noticed everything.... how they range in color from yellowy orange to dark red.... how they can crawl upside down....that you don't notice they have wings until they lift their shell to fly away.... or how they will stand montionless when startled.

It wasn't long before I realized that my bad day had disappeared. I thought of how good God was to give me a new pair of eyes with which to see the world; to see the world as He had intended it to be seen. Through Caden's eyes, I saw wonder, amazement, nature, and love....and ladybugs.

O What A Story - A Blessing Came Anyway

I occasionally wonder why I don't lay more burdens at God's feet and walk away. It seems that when I actually do that, the burden is always lifted, and I always get a return blessing. That was the case this weekend.

For weeks I have been on a "worry tear" about my solo in this year's church Christmas celebration. I have been given many solos over the years and never thought much about most of them. I just try to convey the song's message in the most meaningful way I can. I have always realized that my voice is not mine, but God's, and He will do all the singing if only I will get out of His way. Unfortunately, I might have forgotten that recently, although I don't think without a little merit. When the songs were assigned, I truly was flabbergasted. I didn't receive just ANY song. It was THE song, and not just THE song, but the most quintessential Christmas song of all...O Holy Night.

O Holy Night, is not an easy song to sing. It has an odd timing, and it's not very melodic; however, it has a very powerful message. This particular arrangement was one that was a true stretch of my vocal range. I was petrified from the start - a position with which I am not normally familiar. I stewed about it for weeks; asked advice from trained vocalists on tips to sing it correctly; and joked about how in the world I was going to handle the final measures of the song. I must have listened to that song in my car everyday going to and from work, and all day on the computer while I was at work. It still unnerved me.

I wanted so desperately to get it right, but what I didn't do is really give it to the Lord. Finally, right before I took the microphone on the first night, I did just that. I prayed - "Lord, not my voice, but yours; not me but you; not my message, but yours; please sing this for me." Then, a strange thing happened. I stood in center stage and felt the most amazing rush from my feet to my head! I nearly cried. It was almost as if the Lord said - "OK, just back off. It's my turn." I was completely at peace, but I didn't remember where we were in the music! That may explain why I came in 4 measures to early!!

What happened after that was nothing short of a "God Thing." The other 2 performances went off virtually without a hitch. I hit and sustained notes I never thought I could. It seemed almost easy. I didn't feel strained or tired. I truly didn't feel like I had done anything; however, I was strangely emotional. The last night, I could no longer hold back emotion. It was so overwhelming to me - what God had done. He had taken this enormous song and fit it to my small voice, and then He sang it through me! I just couldn't hold back tears any longer. I knew that my Heavenly Father had done it again.

I was very much aware that God had drawn His people closer to Him through all the music during those nights. I heard it in the voices of the people who were so moved by what we accomplished. They knew that God was there, and that He loved them. They knew it because He manifested Himself through all of us in verse and song.

I was also very much aware of the fact that he was granting me a 2-fold blessing. I was privileged to receive an ovation for my performance. I didn't even know I received an ovation the first night! I was told after the fact. God allowed me to see that people appreciated the talent that He bestowed upon me. In addition, He allowed me to see the blessing it gave to others. Praise the Lord, children were saved! I had people pray with me, tell me how that song was just what they needed to hear, and just weep that God had spoken to them through that song. It was incredibly humbling to be a part of something that was totally orchestrated by God, Himself. What do you say when you truly know that it wasn't you, but God. An amazed 'thank you' is all I could think of to say.

I am always amazed at the way that God showers us with blessings when we aren't looking for one. It wasn't about me or what I could do or how well I could sing. It wasn't about our choir and how much we'd rehearsed or how well we'd sung. It was all about God and how He chose to work through His servants and bless His people. I believe He did that this weekend with our choir. God reminded me and all of us just what Christmas is all about.

Let every voice sing and rejoice;
for God so loved the world... O What A Story!

A Vessel For Honor

2 Timothy 2:20-21

But in a great house
there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honor, and some to dishonour.

If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel for honor, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work.

This is indeed a challenge. How difficult is it to purge ourselves from all that is from the Evil One if we cannot discern what is truly evil? I think that is a question better left up to God. Only He can make that discernment. More often than not, we are faced with issues that are not necessarity bad in themselves; however, they are not what the Master truly intended for us.

It was this subject that was posed to a group of women, of which I was apart, this weekend. How can we be vessels for honor. Ephesians 2:10 says - We are His workmanship, created for good works in Christ Jesus. This is a far reaching scripture. If we love God, then we will love His will for us, and His holy commands. There will be no questions, only praise for all the good and bad through which He brings us. He calls us to offer up ourselves, a living sacrifice to Him. In doing so, we cannot keep even the smallest part of ourselves. This means dying to ourselves in Jesus Christ and arising to new life in Him. Surrendering our physical and spiritual selves to all of His desires.

The word ALL is a vast word... our habits, our worries, our fears, our joys, our contentments, our language, our jobs, our dreams, our hopes... and the list goes on and on. This was the challenge from the Women's Ministry Conference held this weekend by Hillcrest Baptist Church. Dew4Him Ministries speaker, Jane Wolfe asked us to consider our "Take Away Message." What do people take away from a sighting or a meeting with us each time our paths cross? It's up to us to make sure that message is as pure as we can muster.

God is desperate to reach us and bring us closer into His fold. He sees us struggle with our transgressions daily. He is battling with us, and He will battle FOR us if we will let Him. I made my own promises to God this weekend. I challenge you to study this scripture and make your own promises to Him. I know that with prayer and supplication, God will mold me into the vessel for honor that he has always known I could be.

But Then...Caden Laughs

There's always some event or issue that causes us to reflect on the tangled web that is our life. It could be a family illness or tragedy, a celebration, a holiday or something simple like watching your child sleep soundly in his bed. Mine came last night as I was listening to my son laughing as he was playing in his room, I thought about how fortunate I am to have him in my life. I realized that whatever fills my head each day can all be solved by hearing that laugh.

I started planning on things we can do together as a family, and inevitably, I realize how full my calendar is each week: working full time as a commercial property manager, trying to educate myself in my field by taking classes and joining organizations, actively involved in church - singing in 2 ensembles and the adult choir, and teaching a children's praise team.

It seemed there's never enough time to do what I want to do. Then I thought about the difference between what I want to do and what I need to do and how I should balance that in my life. I can't think of any greater purpose in my life than being a mother. I am so in love with my son - probably no more than any other mother loves their children. However, I think I definitely appreciate my son more now than I would have at an earlier age. It seems I waited so long to have him, I can't imagine devoting my life to anything else. This concept is a little foreign to those of my friends who have had their children a while and are comfortable with parenthood. I have turned down engagements when it meant I would be spending time away from my son.

I recently went on a day trip and did not take him with me. Although I enjoyed my time, I missed him terribly. I thought about his reaction when he sees me after work each day - laughing that laugh and shouting "Mommy!" and running as fast as he can into my arms. It's the greatest thing, and I couldn't wait to have that again.

I'm scheduled to go on an overnight trip this weekend, and I won't be able to take my son with me. I know I will benefit from the time I'll spend with my friends as we study God's word, but I still have that longing to be home with Caden playing in the backyard and watching him fall down in laughter after a ride down the slide. I'm sure what I feel is no different than what other working moms feel: that we don't get to spend as much time as we'd like with our children. I'm keenly aware of that fact, and because I'm an older mom, I know how precious that time is. I don't want to miss a minute of it.

However....God forces me to stop and think about all of this. When we pause and take a breath, we realize that God really is in control. He knows that path chosen for our lives. It's a delicate balance between self and work and family, and sometimes the guilt of not being able to do it all is a little overwhelming. I know that there are moments when I need to be apart from my kids - if for no other reason that to grow in myself. God will see to it that my son knows he is loved by the actions that I am led to take during his growing up years.

Yes, there is wonder and uncertainty, but then....Caden laughs!

You Have to Start Somewhere...

I have recently had many thoughts go through my mind about things I'd like to remember. Trying to keep up with the technological time, I decided to breakdown and create a blog. I hope this reflection will be more of a praise journal than anything else, although I'm sure I'll get on my soapbox or sit in my pity hole every now and then. God, in His infinite wisdom will, no doubt, tell me to "get off the ledge" when I do, and I will, as always, submit to His way and let Him light my path.

I guess I'll be posting reflections as often and God gives me inspirations. Hopefully, what I have to say will be a help or an inspiration to those who read it. So, I think I'll start this new adventure with a prayer:

God, my Father, what a wonderful God you are. You have given me a voice within that was created for praise. Guide the thoughts and words of this reflection and make it one that only glorifies You. I pray this prayer in Jesus' name....Amen